I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
