they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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