I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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