I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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