ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
