new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize