Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
