I wish my penis had an off switch
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
