After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
