I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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