Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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