Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
