we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
