Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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