dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize