i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize