It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
