i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
