His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize