So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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