The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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