Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
