Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
