Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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