i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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