That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
