Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
