I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
