Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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