I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
