I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
