In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
