Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
