Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
