Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize