Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No subtext here. People are naked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
