birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
