WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i've created a new STD.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
