Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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