I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
