Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
