Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
