I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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