So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
