i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
