she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
