I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
