I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i out mim tonsoeep
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