WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize