hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
