He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
try to milk me bitch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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