Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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