Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
