Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
