And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
