i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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