Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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