Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
