I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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