ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
