Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
