he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
