I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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