i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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