Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
